In a world where we are constantly bombarded by messages of violence, terrorism, judgement based on our bodies and sexuality, and disease it is harder and harder for mother's to find a steady hold on what messages they want to pass onto their children and how to shield them from the rest until they are old enough to understand.
Many of us who live spiritual lifestyles either within a specific religion or who are part of newer movements in earth-based spirituality and new age philosophy, often seek out the answers to our problems in our personal faith and beliefs. However, more and more, women wonder if they should pass on these beliefs to their children or if it would be better to raise them without spirituality - an idea that is more and more pressured in our growing scientific and, some could argue, Marxist culture.
While there are plenty of people out there who would argue for a spiritually sterile environment for a child, I am of the belief that living a faith-based, devoted, spiritual life is beneficial not only to ourselves but also to our families, our close communities, and to the world at large.
When I had my son, I knew that living my beliefs and raising him to know about my spiritual journey would not only be important to our bond but also in preparing him for the world around us that isn't always kind or loving or connected to spirit. I then sought support for this decision and I found some very surprising and amazing information that I knew other mothers, who aren't as certain in how spirituality plays a role in child development, would find beneficial.
1. Children are Already Spiritual
This first point is all about the idea that children are born with innate reverence for the spirituality that is living in this world. Magic is very real to them. They see it in everything - grass growing, caterpillars turning into butterflies, clouds that look like puppies, snowflakes, and so much more. The awe in my son's eyes when he saw me pick a raspberry and I gave it to him to eat or when he first pressed his chubby feet into the grass and giggled pleasantly. A cluster of children making wishes on dandelion tufts and laughing when one of them blue all of his seeds off in a single breath.
By raising our children in a home that honors and practices spirituality, we are simply nurturing the seeds already planted in our children's hearts and minds. When we take away that spirituality, when we raise them in a home that is sterile of belief and faith, we are stamping down their own development rather than making them free to choose as they like.
I have found that children are naturally drawn to many practices that friends of mine and myself have. What child doesn't love crystals? Yoga and ecstatic dance look very similar to their own fun and kooky movements, and I've heard many a child breathlessly comment on their love of these practices (often with enthusiastic demonstration during).
2. Hiding Only Leads to Shame
If you already are practicing a spiritual tradition, hiding it from your children or telling your children that they cannot participate will only confuse them. Things that need to be hidden create a sense of shame or guilt as the children will automatically be drawn to your practices but feel wrong for these natural emotions and desires. This sense of shame or guilt can also lead to misunderstanding other children they know who do practice their parent's faiths - at best they will feel left out (that's not "best"), at worst they could condemn these other children and cause any level of bullying simply out of not understanding.
3. The Physical Benefits of Spiritual Practices
The calming and serene feelings that come from being around negative ions can be created from Himilayan salt lamps, nature walks, or cleansing dips in natural waters. The benefits of grounding are numerous and are linked to fighting depression, calming blood pressure, and building the immune system. Spiritual practices that effect foods your family eats can also benefit a child in that they will be less likely to eat junk food, will often eat slower and with more thought, and eat more of what is on their plate all of which adds to their nutrition.
Recently, there has been some hype about schools adopting meditation practices specifically to help children who are having problems in the classroom setting.
4. Spiritual Children Make Better Decisions
According to psychologist Lisa Miller, author of The Spiritual Child, children who are raised in spiritual homes are:
- 40% less likely to use and abuse substances
- 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers
- 80% less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex
Lisa goes on to say that children raised by spiritual parents have significantly more positive markers for thriving including an increased sense of meaning and purpose, and high levels of academic success.
5. Benefiting From a Spiritual Community
It takes a village to raise a child, or so they say. Many women of a spiritual persuasion seek out others like them to celebrate and grow in their beliefs with. Some might seek out classes, teachers, drum circles, meditation groups, etc. Within these communities friends and bonds are made over moments of enlightenment. These friends go on to become designated aunties and uncles, godparents, and friends to those children raised up around them. They are further examples of how to live in the eyes of the child, inspiration for who they want to be when they grow up.
Being raised in a community, especially a diverse community rather than a homogenized family home, also has the benefits of expanding a child's understanding of connections between us all and how to treat others. Spiritual communities can teach lessons about charity, non-violent communication especially in times of disagreement, and how we are all different and yet the same. These are lessons our culture is still struggling with and yet ones we want our children to learn as we teach them not to hit, that they should share, and that we shouldn't judge each other or bully.
6. The Lesson of Gratitude
Whether or not our spiritual practices teach prayers over meals or at bedtime, most every path of devotion includes some form of expressing gratitude. Gratitude can be a difficult concept for some children to learn. We all have either experienced or seen parents in the struggle of getting their kids to say please and thank you when asking for and receiving something. Often the struggle for children to understand this is in the fact they don't see their parents or other adults around them doing the same. When a mother practices gratitude in her spirituality, she will be teaching through demonstration the importance of giving thanks, making it easier for a child to practice through mimicry at first and later with understanding.
7. Traditions and Rhythms
Spiritual focus is often accompanied by following certain traditional holidays, daily routines, or weekly practices. This can create a comforting rhythm in the lives of mother and child. Many believe and witness that children not only need routine for learning and peace of mind but that they also thrive emotionally and spiritually when they can rely on certain activities and practices.
Whether our own spiritual practices involve holy days, children are not blind to holidays depicted in our media culture. Valentines Day, Halloween, Christmas, and more are seen in with colorful displays in every store, on school displays, and, of course, on television shows. The choice many families are forces to make is whether to censor the holidays from their children or to find ways to fold them into their personal beliefs and practices in ways that are gentler, less consumerism, and more about honoring their faith and less about the hype. The latter can be done by practicing a spirituality that focuses on and embraces natural rhythms such as adopting the holidays as pinpoints in the change of the seasons. Others can connect the holidays with whatever spirits, deities, ancestral work, etc they already practice and create a fun yet meaningful experience for their children.
But Why Mothers?
Some readers might be wondering why I focus on mothers and how their spirituality effects children. The easy answer is because I am a mother and I best relate to other women who have children, of course. However, there is some science behind this focus.
In an article by Cathy Lynn Grossman on Religion News, Lisa Miller went on to explain that not only did children benefit from a spiritual household but specifically from a spiritual mother. "Science shows women are central to the spiritual development of children and that their sense of connection to a God or higher power is the cornerstone of psychological thriving and resilience across their life span.'
'...it’s the mother whose spiritual practices and observances really impact both daughters and sons, particularly daughters.”
The article was careful to explain that here, spiritual practices did not necessarily relate to religious dogma, especially if there is strong pressure on the children to attend services or rituals. “It’s less important which religious tradition you observe if your children hear you speak authentically about spirituality and your own relationship to the creator and you let them know the spiritual life is as real as the earth under our feet: We stand on it and we count on it,” said Miller.
Resources
Cathy Lynn Grossman
Mothers Set Children's Spiritual Compass
Estelle Hayes
How I'm Raising a Spiritual Child Without Religion
Lisa Miller The Spiritual Child
