Earth Shaking Meditation

Lately I've been struggling to find some balance between doing what I feel I need to do for  this blog and doing things like work on my body, focus on my pregnancy and upcoming baby, and the like. I feel super conflicted about being an entrepreneur and a soon-to-be momma. I sometimes scold myself, knowing that there are many, many moms out there that work full time in 9-5 jobs while pregnant and parenting and can do it so why can't I force myself to sit at the computer for a few hours a day and bust out some blog posts or work on my book or something! 

I sat down yesterday to work on this site. I just could not focus at all. The music I was listening to wasn't doing it for me so I spent like an hour trying to make up a working playlist. I was hungry but couldn't decide on a snack. I made some tea, forgot the water in the electric kettle so it got cold and then I had to make it all over again. I then, of course, forgot my tea brewing, it got cold, so I had to make it a third time. Still no writing was done and I felt so frustrated. 

At last I said screw it, closed my computer, and went in search for a better activity. I ended p trying out my new pre-natal yoga dvd that I bought at the thrift store - The New Method by Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa. The exercises, mantras, and meditations are great and each movement is emphasized by Gurmukh's explanation of how this helps during the pregnancy or later during labor. As a Sagittarius my body loves it when I move but as a Gemini Rising I have the most difficult time just doing any exercise that has no end goal or purpose clearly dictated, so her explanations really helped me get into the movements and I felt great by the end of the 45 minutes.

After yoga I did a meditation on releasing fears, worries, and anxieties regarding my pregnancy and labor. The core of the meditation was getting in touch with my own power as a woman and understanding that this act of creating my son and giving birth to him come this fall is something I was wonderfully and divinely created to do. It wasn't a guided meditation or one I read but merely one that I did based on some of the messages I'd been receiving lately from some articles, books and media I've been ingesting. 

I came out of my meditation like I normally do - a few simple stretches and waking myself to the world consciously like rising up out of a deep pool. I stood up, blinked a few times, and took a step off my yoga mat. The whole world shook!
Alaska has earthquakes quite often, if you didn't know. Usually these earthquakes are small and barely recognized by residents of the state. I can count 4 in my memory that I really felt things move. That being said, the earthquake we had here yesterday...well, I felt it. Our fridge rattled, dishes in the cupboard jangled, books bounced, and my exercise ball came rolling towards me like a fearful animal. 

I stood, one foot on the yoga mat, the other on the wood floor, and watched the scene around me. I was still in this calm, detached state from my meditation and I equate that to my response to the earthquake. It felt too surreal. I wasn't sure if it was even happening or if it was only in my head for a good moment. Also, time wasn't tangible to me.

The earthquake was only a few seconds long where I was at - about an hour away from the origin in Willow, AK. However, for me in my semi-meditative state, the earthquake lasted an eternity. I saw every little thing move. I noticed how it sounded and picked out different sounds clearly. I felt my own calm heartbeat pumping and my pulse in my belly around my baby. I pressed my hands there in an almost calming gesture though I do not know now if I was calming my son or myself or both for I didn't feel the need for calming just then. 

I'm still not sure if I could ever explain how unreal and detatched everything felt. It wasn't like watching a movie or tv show where there is an earthquake. I was aware that this was happening. I just didn't feel like I was part of what was going on and was merely the observer.
Looking back at it, I am grateful the earthquake was not stronger and that I was not in any danger as I'm not sure how I would have reacted to falling objects or breakages in the house.

Just as suddenly as it began, it was over. I walked calmly to the couch, picked up my phone, and dialed Damon. I asked him if we had just had an earthquake, or something of that nature. He said yes and told me that it was over a 5 on the scale but wasn't sure of the origin.
We later learned it was a 6'er out of Willow. No one was hurt but there was some concern about an earthquake on top of the forest fires out that way still being battled. 

Part of me wonders even now if my restlessness was like that of a cat's before a storm. Did I sense something coming? I know I've felt like that before during major solar flares and when huge storms are on their way but I don't recall ever feeling that way before a tremor. I also cannot help but wonder how it effects my baby, does he even know it happened. Part of me says yes, that he probably senses something happened even if its just sensing the change in how my body is acting around him. 

Today I ate and sat, thinking about which of my list of blog ideas to write on. Everything felt dry and the last thing I want is to post something that doesnt give you the juice of my knowledge, feelings, and experiences. The point of this site and blog is to show you that every part of life can be magickal and how to make steps to see the sacred in the mundane. As I thought about it, I thought, what more magick can I conjure than the earthquake the felt like it was the movement of my body just as I stepped out of meditative consciousness and back into the 3-d reality of the world? So I write with my son kicking and curling around within me. I breathe in the fresh air through my window and feel utterly blessed. 

Thank you for being,
December